LOVE: THE BASIC ELEMENT FOR A PERPETUAL MARRIAGE; NOT ONLY R

Written by : Dr. Anthony Osei Boateng

Love is the element which drives one to lay the entirety of his or her resources and a totality of his or her being at the disposal of another in a sacrificial manner, with the aim of bettering the lot of the other. It inconveniences itself for the convenience of another. Bearing this definition in mind, it presupposes that showing love to ones spouse in marriage goes far beyond just romance. It rather incorporates the totality of each spouses endowments.  

The best example of love can be derived from the love which Jesus Christ showed mankind by sacrificing all that He had for mankind. He gave His body to be crucified, made us co-heirs in His Kingdom and sons and daughters of God, sent us the Holy Spirit and still intercedes for us. He shared everything He had with us because He loved us. Eph. 5:25 states husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it (KJV). Hence marriage should be seen as a companionship in which each spouse lays all that he or she has continually at the disposal of the other. Romance in marriage is just the means by which married couples share their bodies with each other. Hence marriages based solely on romance die as the couple age and the physical features they had starts to wear off. This should definitely not be the case.

Many courting couples tend to nurture romance, but not love in their courtship forgetting that romance is just one aspect of a lifetime companionship. It is therefore a necessity for courting couples to abstain from sexual contact and use that period to learn how to effectively share other aspects of their lives with each other. A relationship solely based on romance is often short-lived and dies as soon as the romance dies. Also, the couples are often misled to think that since they are so romantically attracted to each other, they are highly compatible. But when they marry and move in together, other aspects of their lives are brought into the picture and they realize their inability to share those aspects of their lives together. Marriage is a companionship which engulfs around every aspect of ones life and personality.  

Married couples who are seeing a decline in the spark in their marriage should take a review of their lives and identify areas in their lives which they do not share with their spouse and bridge-up with them in those areas. This would create a sense of renewal. Courting couples should also ensure their ability to stay together in deep love aside all the romance. When all these are ensured, the perpetuality of marriages would be ensured.        

Written by : Dr. Anthony Osei Boateng

John 3:16 states that God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son, that whosoever believes in Him should not perish, but have everlasting life.  

God loved the world first. This love made Him to give His only Son to die for us. This can also be applied in relationships. Paul tells husbands to love their wives, just as Christ loved the church. 

 When one unconditionally loves his or her spouse (i.e. loving them with no reservations; forgetting past wrongs, misunderstandings, etc.), this ignites a new or renewed passion in him or her. This new passion can make a person do things for his or her spouse which would in turn revive or even increase or create strong love in the marriage.

Man had completely forgotten about God, after his fall. But God took the initiative to love us, and based on that love, gave His Son to us. This really set the stage for man to love God back. After showing such love to man, some men also showed love back to God. These were the early Christians, comprising of the disciples, some Jews and gentiles. Many of these people laid down their lives and made many sacrifices for the work of God. In marriage or any relationship, when there is so much bitterness and one spouse decides to lay everything aside and starts showing love, love would once again be ignited in the relationship. Love produces love and passion, just as hate produces hate and bitterness.  

The love which God ignited in man by sending His Son to die for us still operates today. We should take a cue from this and start igniting love in others by showing them love.

Written by : Dr. Anthony Osei Boateng

Many couples tend to have long-standing quarrels over serious and trivial things. Differences arise as people move together. The most important thing however is how these differences are handled.  

When Solomon sinned against God, He punished him, but at the same time remembered His good servant David and kept the throne in the tribe of Judah. As Christians, when a person offends us, that is not the time to remember past wrongs; but rather the time to remember the good things which that person has done for you in the past. Having an unreserved love for that person at that particular moment would help you to bring the relationship on track.  

When one is having a difference or differences with another person, he or she should learn to forgive the other person’s offense even before the person asks for forgiveness. The person may not ask for forgiveness at all. Instead of continually worrying about one’s differences with another person, one must determine the way forward with that person (in his or her mind) once and for all, and apply those decisions. Such decisions should be taken based on love and not hatred.  

One should concentrate on the good things a person has done for him or her in the past when he or she offends him or her. At certain times the other party may refuse to see or hear from you. It is better to give him or her some space for his or her wounds to heal and then initiate reconciliation moves.  

Written by : Dr. Anthony Osei Boateng

Many Christians have the notion that it is God who has to force them to marry one person or the other. Eve was created for Adam by God, but even in that instant, there was an element of Adam in Eve (i.e. his rib).   

When man sinned against God Adam said ” The woman whom thou gavest to be with me, she gave me of the tree, and I did eat” (KJV) (Genesis 3:12). From that time to date, God gave man his own freewill to choose his spouse. A man or woman may decide not to even marry at all. God rather GUIDES or LEADS a person to a good spouse but the choice of marrying or not marrying that person rests with him or her alone.  

When Abraham dispatched his servant to choose a wife for Isaac, God didn’t just barge in to tell him to choose Rebecca. He asked for God’s guidance first and then God, knowing all things, and knowing that Rebecca was from Abraham’s family made her to fulfil the requirement the servant had lain in place. It should be noted that Rebecca was not the only girl at the well at that time. The same can be said of choosing your spouse. 

There may be a lot of men or women around, but if you ask God to guide you to choose the right person for you, He will definitely lead you. He knows you so well that He would know just the right person to suite you and your shortcomings.  

Even if you have married the wrong person for you (i.e. someone you feel is not suitable for you) all is not lost. Marriage is so important to God that He will help to sustain your marriage by His grace even if you have married the wrong person. All you need to do is to ask Him. Jesus in Matthew 5:32 clearly forbid divorce. Paul tells husbands to love their wives as Christ loved the church in Ephesians. 5:25. All these show the importance of the marriage institution. Jesus admonishes us to be wise as serpents, but harmless as doves.  

Hence we should seek God’s guidance in choosing our spouse. 

Written by : Dr. Anthony Osei Boateng

When you interview some spouses about their reasons for cheating or being unfaithful, some refer to an earlier offence by their partners as the main reason which fuelled their cheating action.  

However this should not be so. Some people also seek the best and proven way to remain faithful and committed to  their spouses. The best way to do this is by being faithful to God, who gave you your spouse.  

Marriage should be seen as stewardship. Husbands and wives will give account of how they treated their spouses to God, who gave them these spouses. In Genesis 3:12, it states: “the woman whom You gave to be with me, she gave me of the tree, and I ate”. Thus Adam  acknowledged  the fact that God gave him his wife Eve.

Faithfulness to one’s spouse becomes an easy thing, and an inherent part of you when you are being faithful to God. Faithfulness does not only entail, being truthful and not cheating. It also means being reliable, helpful and  aiding in their development unconditionally.  

When Job was being tempted in Job2:9, his wife said: “curse God and die!”. But after this trial , Job stayed with her and had very beautiful daughters with her. Job remained faithful to God, in his life and in his marriage even in hard times.  

Many spouses say, that their partner is a gift from God when things are going very well. But they tend to forget that, when problems come. The marriage vow is a vow taken before God, and not man.  

When couples see faithfulness to each other as a duty to God rather than a duty to only themselves, then their marriage would be stronger and their bond would be unbreakable. Amen